You are not your eating disorder: 5 ways to separate yourself from the eating disorder
Eating disorders are complex. They often arise in times of trauma and hold on tightly to the person they inhabit. Eventually, the person feels as though the eating disorder is part of who they are. It becomes difficult to imagine an identity separate from the eating disorder, yet this is a necessary component in recovery.
When viewing the eating disorder as an entity outside of the person it inhabits, it is much easier to find ways to work against it. The eating disorder has its own specific set of thoughts and behaviors. It often takes on the role of an abuser and utilizes criticism and shame to make one feel as though they need it to survive. What is actually needed is feelings of safety, methods of coping with distress, and recovery from trauma.
The steps discussed in this blog can be used by someone who can engage in the recovery process at an outpatient level of care. Eating disorders are extremely dangerous and require extensive treatment. If you or a loved one are experiencing an active eating disorder, it will be important to seek professional care with a therapist or treatment center. Stability in recovery is essential before engaging in further recovery practices on your own.
Let’s start with the recognition that you are not your eating disorder. The obsessive thoughts and compulsions around food and body image are all parts of the eating disorder. You are a whole person aside from this. You have your own set of thoughts and behaviors that carry greater depth and are yearning to exist without judgment.
Let’s explore how you can differentiate yourself from your eating disorder and take action toward living for you.
Journey back in time: It can be hard to differentiate between yourself and your eating disorder. Eating disorders can be persistent and pervasive. Your own voice may have been slowly suppressed over time. A great way to access your voice again is to go back to a time before your eating disorder came into existence. You may want to look at pictures of your childhood self, possibly home videos, or some old journals. This can help you access the person that has been hidden by your eating disorder. How did that younger version of you think? What were your views? How did you act? In what ways did you take care of yourself? There is intuitive wisdom that is extremely helpful to tap into from this time in your life. Try to bring those parts of yourself into existence again.
Recognize the eating disorder voice vs. your own voice: The eating disorder often uses criticism. It will put you down when you’re taking care of yourself and praise you when you’re harming yourself. It gets stronger in moments of high stress or self-doubt. It’s hyper-fixated on food and body image. On the other hand, your own mind is expansive. It can think about things other than food or body image. Your mind can hold interest in other subjects or activities. Those moments when you get lost in laughter with a friend, or when you notice how a song makes you feel, or when you learn about a subject (other than food/exercise/weight), are when the real you is coming through. Pay attention to the difference and try to engage in activities that easily bring out the real you.
Begin a dialogue with your eating disorder: This dialogue will be one of confrontation as the work here is to not agree with what your eating disorder is telling you. Talk back to it. The eating disorder will gain more power when you give in to its demands and allow its criticism to define you. It loses its power when you stand up to it. You can talk back to your eating disorder and slowly regain power over your thoughts again. When your eating disorder tells you that you need to restrict food, remind it that this is not helpful to you and is only further fueling stress. If your eating disorder tries to dictate your worth based on calculations of calories and exercise, remind it that happiness, confidence, and self-trust are built in moments of self-care, not self-neglect. Let your eating disorder know that its demands are endless and that you never feel like you can do enough in its presence. Tell your eating disorder that you need a break so that you can find yourself again. Gently or fiercely, resist its criticism and send it away.
Rebel against the behaviors your eating disorder is encouraging: It’s time for you to choose yourself. The behaviors that your eating disorder is pressuring you to engage in are harmful to you. They become compulsive and make you feel as though you are not safe unless you engage in them. The opposite is true. You are safe without your eating disorder. You need helpful and safe ways to navigate past trauma and cope with current distress. When your eating disorder tells you to restrict your intake, allow yourself to eat, and incorporate adaptive coping skills (deep breathing, guided imagery, grounding techniques, listening to music, or calling a friend) as you resist. You’ll want to choose the opposite of what your eating disorder wants and then incorporate coping skills to assist with the distress that this opposite action may bring.
Find what it would take to view yourself lovingly: The loving relationship you had with yourself at the beginning of your life has been interfered with by your eating disorder. Your eating disorder has most likely convinced you that you are not deserving of self-love. Your eating disorder is wrong. No matter what your history looks like, no matter what circumstances your life is in this moment, you are fully deserving of love and acceptance. Self-love can feel scary when we don’t fully understand it. Loving yourself still holds you accountable. There continues to be boundaries and consequences in this. It is not enabling, but rather the act of showing yourself grace, compassion, and gentle guidance despite any details. It's a constant and unconditional love that you hold for yourself at your core. You had this once. Even if you don’t remember. It existed in your earliest days. You’ll have to do some work to find that relationship again. This can be done through counseling, inner child work, journaling, and practicing self-care.
You are your own person, despite what the eating disorder tries to tell you. When you can find ways to separate from your eating disorder, access parts of yourself, and bring those parts back into the world, you will diminish the power of your eating disorder and step back into your own power again. If you are looking for support on your journey, schedule a free first session in our Gorham, Maine office or online. Here for you!
Cheering You On,
